Apparently you make a good broom.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
