when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
