Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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