just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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