I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
