You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
