Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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