hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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