she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
