dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
