if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Boobs speak an international language.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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