I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
