i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
