Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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