We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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