I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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