Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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