I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just had sex bonerless
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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