he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
