Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
