Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
