Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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