Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
