LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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