New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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