I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
