fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize