We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
