i think my tv is drunk
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He? As in you personified your dick?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
