she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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