I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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