Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
