I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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