what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize