I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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