Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
