The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
