Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you had me at cake vodka
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
