just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
