mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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