U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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