Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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