you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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