So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
