He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
