I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
