Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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