Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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