is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
