Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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