Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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