She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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