Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
