the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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