u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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