haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize