you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
