two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
