She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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