dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
