oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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