I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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