Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
