R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize