My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
