we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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