I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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