hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Nicole vs. Life
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
