Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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