I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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