You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
