you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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