i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
