I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You may now shotgun with the bride
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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