Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
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This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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