Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
