Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
