I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
