I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
