Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
