Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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