He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
