It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
