did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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