Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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