I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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