Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Alive.
So much puke
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
