I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
