You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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