I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
