God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
