I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sorry my hands just texted you
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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