we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
