I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
