I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
