Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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