Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize