i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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