He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
