If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
