at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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