they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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