What a fucking waste of an outfit
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
