In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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