you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
