After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
