It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
