the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
