found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
