I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So gin and wine won't be happening again
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
