I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
