he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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