got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
pray to the hookup gods
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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