On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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