Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
