So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
