the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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